This Magic Moment

‘This Magic Moment’ found its title in the song written by Doc Pomus and then sung by Lou Reed, The Drifters and The Misfits. Hugh’s not sure whose voice it was that he heard over the radio one night but he’s certain of the name of the song because he jumped out of the bath and ran about naked till he found a pen to write it down. He needed to remember it.

That’s how I’ll start; smiling at a little madness that resulted in something brilliant. It’s maybe easier that way to reconcile the different shades of Hugh.

Hugh suffers from Depression with a capital ‘D’. Every now and then, he disappears for a while and he’s told me that the vanishing act means he’s trapped in a dark place. He’ll lie still for days at a time, not eating anything and seeing no one. Anything and nothing can send him down to the bottom of the well and he never knows how long it will be before he climbs back up.

Depression comes to the fore fairly often these days and a little too much for my liking. It’s so vague and unpredictable, not remotely like a leg that’s clearly broken and needs a cast to fix it. I find it hard to be sympathetic when I can’t see where or why someone is hurting.

I make an effort to understand Hugh Loney. He is perhaps the most productive person I have ever met and more than a little gifted. The sheer volume of artwork he produces is amazing, even before you know that he is constantly fighting the monster on his back.

I asked him about creativity and his response began with ‘This Magic Moment’.

He finds inspiration in words. In this case, a song, but just as often, a scrap of overheard conversation, a fraction of a sentence or someone’s name. The words are tiny and insignificant but they plant the seed of an idea. The idea grows and what we have here is the result.

We all have ideas, fragments and slivers of understanding that hang around in the back of our mind. They spring from words and other tiny happenings and circumstances. Hugh is not unique in that point. He is however, unique in the way he realises his ideas. It takes a phenomenal effort on his part and it is well worth it in the end.

I can’t imagine a Hugh Loney that doesn’t create. I think it has become his crutch and he’d be someone else without it. He needs to create simply to survive his Depression.

Creativity is a wish or a dream for so many people. I think that it can only become a part of you when it’s something you need rather than want. Try not to put creativity to one side as a luxury you’ll indulge when you have the time. Try to create something now and let it become your release.

This isn’t a ‘how to..’ blog post, but if I’m offering any advice it’s to use the little ideas that you pick up from scraps. Fight back your own monsters and work up some energy to create something. My monsters are nothing like Hugh’s, but they’re real for me just as yours are for you.

Hugh has set an example, like many other artists and writers who created something against all odds because they needed to. It’s an example worth following.

Hugh Loney's photo of shadows on the beach

Well then, I failed. It’s taken me over a month to admit it. NaNoWriMo was my Everest.

The NaNoWriMo target was 50,000 words of a novel in one month; I just about made it to 30,000 and ran out of time.

I know why I failed; I didn’t commit myself to the deadline. I wouldn’t invest enough of my time. I want to write a novel but there were many times when I could have written but chose not to. I procrastinated. I messed up. I failed.

To follow that I’ve been feeling blue since November. I tend to feel down at Christmas anyway and January is simply bleak. Especially so when I’m being pursued by a feeling of inadequacy. Never mind that crazy idea of writing a novel in a month, I may not write a novel in a lifetime if I allow every setback to send me into the doldrums.

I was walking around under this dark cloud when I met my old friend; the constantly struggling artist Hugh Loney. He’d been down the beach taking some photos. Over a cup of tea, I confessed to ‘feeling a bit low’ and he almost immediately started to talk to me about Depression.

This was my cue to make a quick getaway through the nearest window. I’m Scottish; I can ‘feel down’, ‘be tired’ or ‘be a shade blue’ but please don’t dare call me depressed – I don’t like labels and if you try to stick one on me I’ll avoid you in future.

The windows were closed and locked (it was December after all) and he blocked my path to the exit. So, in the end, I stayed and listened and what he said did me some good.

I was so down because I had failed to create what I wanted, when I wanted to. I was looking for understanding and a way back into that productive creative drive that I feel when an idea is new. Hugh knows a thing or two about balancing depression and creativity – he has battled depression for years and yet he is a gifted and productive artist.

I met him a second and third time in December and took notes. Hugh is not a writer; he works with canvas, paints, his camera, feathers and glitter. The things he said have nothing to do with writing but I’ve taken enough from him to pick myself up and get on with my story.

I think the ‘pick-me-up’ is worth sharing. We all have to be writing something before we can edit. I know that as a proofreader I’m expected to write about spelling mistakes and grammar but before I can do any of that there must be words. So I’ll start on writing and see how it goes.

I’ll break Hugh’s wisdom into three new posts on Creativity and Depression. Following that, I’m now looking for support out in the real world that can help writers avoid creative slumps. So I’ll be writing about what helps and what doesn’t. Pop back for a quick read and I’ll let you know how I get on.

Let your novel out!

I’ve promised myself that I’ll get the gloves on and fight procrastination so that by December 1^st I can give myself a big pat on the back.

What is NaNoWriMo?

National Novel Writing Month is a crazy enterprise to encourage those with a novel inside them to let it out. For more information go to www.nanowrimo.org and check it out.

Who does it?

Anyone that wants to, this is the particular appeal of NaNoWriMo, it’s about quantity not quality. No one cares if your writing is awful or you spell evrey sngile wrod wrong.

Where is it?

Everywhere, writers take part from all over the world, getting together to support and encourage each other throughout the whole experience. There’s a huge community of support out there for NaNoWriMo, it’s a project that comes with a lot of good feeling and interest but asks for nothing but your time and a small donation to help young writers.

Why do it?

The why is important. Here’s my reasoning:

1. I’ve had a novel swimming around like a goldfish in my head for a long time – it’s time for Nemo to make a break for the ocean before I find him floating belly-up at the top of the tank.

2. I like the idea of a very clear deadline. I’ve always found it difficult to create my own writing deadlines and stick to them. After all, no one notices if you miss a private deadline, but NaNoWriMo is out there where everyone sees you.

3. The volume required means that I can’t stop to edit – thank God because that’s one hat I find it really hard to take off. It’ll be nice to know that I’m supposed to write garbage for a month, as long as it’s a lot of garbage.

4. Writing that much that quickly should highlight my writing ‘ticks’ in neon pink – the result will be almost unreadable work but I’ll see what my writing problems are and can work to improve them.

5. I’m maybe doing this for one great big reason and I think that it’s probably shared by other NaNoWriMo scribblers. If I can write a full first draft of a novel in one month of hard work and persistence, just imagine what could be accomplished in an entire lifetime of the same.

If any of these reasons resonate with you, then sign up quickly and just start scribbling.

When is it?

That’s the catch. It’s right now, it runs for the whole of November and whether it finishes with a failed whimper or successful whoop on December 1^st is up to you.

How can it help…?

Sign up and start writing to find out.

Procrastination

How bad is that? Procrastination has been my pet devil since before I knew what the word meant. I belong to that group of people who sit down to write something important and suddenly feel a pressing need to clean the bathroom tiles with a toothbrush.

However, the pet devil isn’t the only reason I’ve taken so very long to put pen to paper. Little grey bird is my company and it is tiny. Most of the time it’s just me scribbling away at my desk. Sometimes I do reach out and network with other entrepreneurs in the hopes that I’ll make a connection worth having. Some of the people I’ve met in this way insist that a business like mine needs a blog to attract people, traffic, consumers.

They share that pearl of wisdom with me and I think ‘OK, maybe I should start a blog’ but not before I read their efforts and see exactly how their blog goes to bat for their business.  It’s usually awful, I read about what their puppy did that morning or how they had a great lunch. I learn nothing about the nitty gritty of how they make their business work. Their writing bores me and I change my mind directly about attempting a blog. If I want to bore someone on a regular basis I’ll make my husband watch ‘Cash in the Attic’ every weekday, which would pretty much cover it.

But procrastination is still the point here. In telling myself that writing a mediocre blog won’t help my business grow nearly as much as doing some actual work, I’m feeding my pet devil. I’m simply telling myself that it’s not important enough to get on with and maybe I should go clean the bathroom again.

There is, of course, the other option. Somewhere between the bathroom tiles and the blog of sh*t, I could take some time, do some research and attempt to write a practical and interesting blog that doesn’t put people to sleep. It’s with that in mind that I started reading ‘Copyblogger’ about a year ago. I love that Third Tribe thing and I evidently want to join that party.

A slight problem pops up here though, in reading Copyblogger before starting to blog you give yourself stage fright. It’s a great blog and a cool community but how on earth do you compete with that? Every question on writing I could hope to answer has already been covered (many times) on Copyblogger. I know myself that I’ll only read certain blogs regularly and Copyblogger is the main one.

Procrastination again; if I can’t do something better than it’s already being done I won’t do it at all. In fact I won’t even try. I’ll go and address 300 envelopes by hand instead.

And then I turned it on its head. It’s not actually about writing for complete strangers, it’s about writing for me and other compulsive cleaners aka procrastinators. I’m going to plot out my business, where it’s strong and where it’s weak, where I love it and where I don’t give a sh*t. I’m going to plot out what I want to happen, what’s actually happening and what’s going wrong. That last one is apparently the kiss of death but I’m not going to worry about that right now.

I’ll have a proper plan that way, not a scary business one that’s all numbers and no sense. And I’ll have to stick to my plan because (it’s actually possible) people know about it and are watching to see what happens.

Oh and beating the little devil with a big stick? I cleaned the bathroom before this post; I took the devil with me, forced his head down the toilet with a broom handle and flushed.